


Jealousy

by quixotic_hope



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 00:45:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9632174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quixotic_hope/pseuds/quixotic_hope
Summary: Two years after the war, Severus runs a potions shop, and Harry works as his assistant, each of them hiding their feelings for the other. Then Draco Malfoy asks Severus out and changes everything.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Ignores events of HBP and DH (except for the fact that Harry used Severus's old potions book during his sixth year). 
> 
> Rated for some swearing.

"Potter, pass me the ginger root," said Severus. 

Harry passed over his cutting board and watched as Severus poured the carefully chopped ginger root into the cauldron. 

"And the lacewings."

Harry passed those over next.

If someone had told Harry two years ago that the war would be over and he would be working with Severus on a daily basis, he would have thought they were suffering from one of Fred and George’s experiments. After all, he and Severus had hated each other since they first saw each other - even earlier in Severus’s case - and after Sirius’s death, Harry vowed to hate the Potions master forever. But then Dumbledore had insisted that Severus train Harry during his seventh year, and for some reason this time they had managed to put aside their differences and actually work together. Severus taught Harry everything he needed to know to defeat Lord Voldemort, which he did at the end of his seventh year. 

Six months later, Severus opened a potions shop. He had only remained at Hogwarts because it had been the safest place during the war - and because it allowed him to remain in contact with Dumbledore without arousing suspicion. Once the war was over and his name was cleared, he was free to leave, and leave he did. He purchased a shop in Diagon Alley, moved in the flat above it, and made a living selling potions he brewed himself.

It had been a long journey for Severus, Harry knew. The man had had to deal with the fact that a huge portion of the wizarding world still thought he was a traitor, a Death Eater who had switched sides at the last minute when it became clear Harry and Dumbledore were going to win. Harry had had to fight tirelessly for months to get them to believe that Severus had in fact always been on their side, at least during the second war, and that Severus had in fact risked his life since the first day to make sure that Voldemort didn't suspect that he was really on Dumbledore's side. 

It was hard for Harry to do, but he never even for a second considered not doing it. Severus might not have been very nice, at least not compared to most of the other people Harry talked to, but he was one of the bravest people Harry had ever met, and Harry knew how much it had cost him to do everything he had for their side.

It had taken a long time, but eventually Severus was cleared of all charges and had been presented with an Order of Merlin, first class, for his efforts as a spy. He was presented with a large sack of gold, too, which was what he used to open the shop. He was sick of students but still enjoyed potions, so he wanted to run his own shop where he could sell quality ingredients and potions people needed that were too complex to make themselves. The shop had only been open a year, and already Severus had one of the most popular shops in the region.

Harry had been surprised that the man had allowed him to become his assistant. Harry had learned a lot when he used Severus's book his sixth year, and he learned even more now that Severus was no longer trying to trip him up. The two of them quickly learned to work together, with Harry doing much of the manual labor so Severus could make the actual potions. Most people would have thought it was boring, but Harry loved it. It got him out of the house and let him do something that was productive but didn't have anything to do with dark wizards or fighting.

And, if he were completely honest with himself, it also gave him a chance to talk to Severus nearly every day, something he knew he would not be able to do otherwise. Harry would never admit it to anyone else, but he had gotten a crush on Severus while they were training during the war, and his feelings had only gotten stronger the longer they worked together. 

Not that he was going to say anything, of course. Harry knew that the older man might tolerate him for the work, but he also knew that the man would never want Harry in the same way Harry wanted him. The older man was a celebrated war hero with a successful business. There were bound to be plenty of men who wanted to be with him. People only seemed to want to be with Harry because he was famous, and it wasn’t like Severus cared about that. That was part of the reason why Harry liked him. Besides, Harry wasn't about to ruin what they had just because he wanted more. Severus would find someone to love one day, and while that day would suck, Harry would still not say anything. He would simply sit back and watch as Severus finally got the happiness that he deserved.

Harry liked to imagine he would find someone like that too one day, but he wasn't holding his breath. He had tried to date a few times since the war ended, but it hadn't ended well. People who seemed nice at first turned out to want him only for his fame or his money or because they thought they knew him because of what they had read in the papers. Harry couldn’t live up to their expectations, and they left, or he left them when it became clear they didn’t really like him. 

It didn’t help that Harry was waiting to have sex until he found someone he actually cared about and who cared about him. In a way, his views on sex helped because the people who just wanted to say they had fucked the Boy Who Lived had no reason to stick around, but it also made him feel like there was something wrong with him. He knew there were people who weren’t interested in sex or romance, but he wasn’t one of them. Still, it seemed like everyone around him was part of a couple. Ron and Hermione had gotten married right after the war. Neville had hooked up with Hannah Abbott, and he was already looking at engagement rings. Ginny was dating someone she met at an amateur Quidditch league. Fred and George were dating different girls every other week and were enjoying themselves. Even Luna had found someone, as she was dating a girl she met while looking for the Crumple-Horned Snorkack. 

Harry knew he wasn’t the only one without someone, but sometimes it sure felt like it. The only other person he knew who was alone was Severus, but he got the feeling Severus liked it that way. If nothing else, the man seemed more content than he ever had while at school, and that certainly counted for something. Maybe Harry should try to do the same - be happy with the life he had, even if it wasn’t entirely the life he wanted. 

 

-HPSS-

 

Severs watched as Harry prepared the ingredients. He was still surprised the younger man was working for him. He had agreed when Harry asked for the job because, well, after the young man had worked so hard to ensure Severus his freedom, he could hardly turn him away. He also had not wanted to. He had grown to respect the young man during the war, and those feelings grown in the time since, something Severus tried not to think about. The younger man would never be interested in him, so it just made sense to push those thoughts from his mind as well as he could and focus on the mystery of why the young man wanted to spend time with him making potions when he could have gotten a job doing anything else. It was not as though potions had ever interested Harry, and even if he had been interested in potions of all things, he certainly could have found someone better to work with. 

However, Severus did not want to be the kind of person who questioned everything good in his life, even though he very well was that kind of person. He had doubted the young man's motives when he first asked for the job, but that had been more than six months ago, and Severus was surprised but pleased to say that the two of them worked well together. Harry was much better at potions now that he was not a student. Harry had said that was because Severus was actually teaching him now instead of sneering at him and trying to get him to fail, and Severus supposed the young man was right, though of course he was not going to admit that to him. 

They were working in what Severus thought of as an enjoyable silence when the door to the shop opened. They both looked to see Draco Malfoy walk in, a smirk on his face as he approached Severus. Severus had not seen much of the young Slytherin since the war ended. Draco had remained hidden for several months while people sorted out their feelings on whether or not he was really a Death Eater. Then Harry had testified on Draco’s behalf as he had on Severus’s, and Draco stopped hiding.

"Severus," said Draco, stopping at the table and smiling at him. "How nice to see you again."

Severus was unsure why the young man was looking at him, but he inclined his head. "Draco. It is, of course, always a pleasure to see you as well. To what do I owe this visit?"

Draco smiled at him again. "Does a man really need a reason to visit his favorite potions master?"

Severus saw Harry frown at Draco, and he had to fight off a similar reaction. What was the young man up to?

“Most of the time, yes," said Severus. 

"Well not this time. I just wanted to come and see you. We used to talk all the time, but now I hardly ever see you. I've missed our little chats."

Draco put his hand on Severus's arm, which surprised Severus. The young man seemed to be flirting with him. Severus had seen it happen on enough other people to know what it looked like, though he could not remember the last time anyone had done so with him, especially not someone as young and attractive as Draco Malfoy. What did he want? He glanced over at Harry to see a surprised look on his face, surprise mixed with an unidentified emotion. He was probably just surprised that anyone was flirting with Severus. Severus was surprised, too, though it hurt more knowing that Harry could find no reason for someone to flirt with Severus.

"It has been a long time," Severus acknowledged, deciding not to mention that the last time they had really chatted had been back during the war when he and Draco used to stay up at nights talking about what the world would be like after the war ended, what they hoped for if each side won. Unlike Severus, Draco had not firmly on the side of the light, though that was due largely to the fact that he had no faith in Harry or Albus. He also thought purebloods were better; he simply had not liked the Dark Lord’s methods. Yet another reason for him to distrust Draco Malfoy.

"Join me for drinks tomorrow night."

Severus supposed that was supposed to be a request, though it certainly sounded more like a command. He had no idea what Draco was up to, but he also did not want Harry to think someone taking interest in him was so foreign he found it suspicious, so he decided now was not the proper time to check Draco for curses. 

"I suppose that would be acceptable," said Severus. 

"Excellent." Draco smiled up at him and finally took his hand off Severus's arm. "Then it's a date. I will meet you at Hibiscus at seven o'clock."

And with that the young man gave him one more smile and then turned and walked out of the store, leaving a very confused Severus behind him.

"Well, that was unexpected," said Severus. He turned to Harry. "Is Hibiscus the restaurant where they charge you a galleon for an appetizer the size of a grape?"

He had expected Harry to look shocked, maybe even amused, but instead Harry looked like he had swallowed bubotuber pus. Was the idea of Severus going out with someone that unpleasant?

“Yeah, I think so,” said Harry. He would not meet Severus’s eyes.

Well to hell with him. Severus could go on a date if he wanted to, even though he had not realized that was what he was agreeing to. He was not a Slytherin for nothing, though; he knew how to take advantage of a situation. It was not as though Draco Malfoy was unattractive. And he was ambitious, which counted for a lot in Severus’s book, though not as much as it would have when he was a student. Still, the young man had many good attributes, and as a Slytherin he was more likely to appreciate the few good qualities Severus knew he possessed. Maybe this would be a good thing. He could not remember the last time he had been on a date, and though the young man would not have been his first choice, he could not deny that it was nice to be asked.

 

-HPSS-

 

Harry watched as Severus accepted the date from Malfoy, trying to pretend that his whole body wasn’t about to shrivel up and die. Harry's heart in particular felt like it was about to cave in, and he was having trouble breathing. The thought of Severus and Malfoy together made him sick. Malfoy might not have been the full Death Eater that his father had been, but he still walked around thinking he was much better than everyone else. He was arrogant and mean, and he couldn't believe Severus would want to go out with him of all people.

Then again, Severus was also a Slytherin. Maybe he found arrogance attractive. Harry couldn't be sure since he wasn't one of them, but he supposed it wasn't completely out of the realm of possibilities. And Malfoy was attractive; there was no denying that. He wasn't Harry's type - he preferred them older and more sophisticated and less like an asshole - but he could see why someone would find Malfoy appealing. He might not be a good person, but he had looks Harry knew he could never hope to compete against. 

Not that he would try, of course. Harry knew that Severus would never want him that way. He was too short, and his hair was incapable of being neat. He was slightly less scrawny than when he had been in school, but he would still never have the type of body that graced the covers of magazines. Malfoy was an asshole, but he was taller and well groomed and ran his own business, just like Severus. Of course Severus was interested in him and not Harry.

So Harry just sat back and watched as Severus accepted the date, looking shocked but pleased. Of course he was pleased. The two of them would probably have a lot more in common than he and Harry did, that was for sure. And the older man deserved someone like Malfoy, someone who would understand him and make him happy. Harry couldn't make the man happy. He couldn't make anyone happy, not even himself. 

Harry tried to get through the rest of the day without making it clear that he was unhappy and jealous, but from the looks Severus was shooting at him, he probably wasn't being all that successful. 

At the end of the day, he Floo’d over to Ron and Hermione’s, hoping they would distract him. Unfortunately, word of Severus’s date seemed to have traveled fast. 

“Is Snape really dating Malfoy?” Ron asked as soon as Harry entered the living room.

“How in Merlin’s name do you know that already?” Harry asked, his heart sinking even more.

“Malfoy was talking about it with Drubber.” Malfoy supplied the Ministry with devices that were supposed to help catch dark wizards. He claimed as a former dark wizard, he best knew what would help. Ron thought it was all a scam, but several of them actually had helped, much to his annoyance. 

“Malfoy and Professor Snape?” asked Hermione, setting a tray of drinks on the table. “Isn’t he a bit young?”

“I think you mean evil,” said Harry. “Age doesn’t really matter than much.”

“Weren’t you the one who testified that he wasn’t evil?” asked Hermione, a smirk on her face. 

“Yeah, well, what do I know?” Harry grabbed a drink and gulped half it down. Then he asked Ron, “Did he say anything about setting Severus up for something?” 

Ron frowned. “No. What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s a bit suspicious that all of a sudden he wants to date him, isn’t it? Why now? And why Severus? It’s not like he’s Malfoy’s type.” 

“It’s gross, yeah, but he seemed to actually want to go out with him,” said Ron. He tilted his head. “Why does this bother you so much?”

“It doesn’t,” said Harry, looking at his drink. “I just don’t want Severus to get hurt. He’s been through enough, you know?”

“Uh huh,” said Hermione, looking at him shrewdly. 

“Snape’s a big boy. He can take care of himself,” said Ron. “Besides, if the rumors are to be believed, what Malfoy has to offer would more than make up for a broken heart later.” 

“What are you talking about?” asked Harry. 

“You know.” Ron started humping the air. 

“Ron!” Hermione threw a pillow at him. “Merlin, could you be more crude if you tried?”

“I’m a twenty-year-old male,” said Ron. “Of course I could.”

Hermione rolled her eyes. “Way to play into stereotypes.”

Ron shrugged. “You love me anyway.”

“That I do, though I certainly don’t know why.”

Ron grinned at her, and Harry looked away as they kissed. This visit had been a horrible idea. Now not only did he once again feel like a third wheel, but he also got to learn that Malfoy had a reputation for being great in bed. Because yes, that was exactly what he needed right before Severus went on a date with the jerk. 

 

The next day, Severus acted the same as usual. He didn’t seem like he was looking forward to his date, though he also didn’t seem like he regretted accepting the invite. Harry couldn’t help but wonder if he had also heard the rumors about Malfoy. 

They chatted less than they usually did that day, but Severus either didn’t notice or didn’t mind. They were halfway through the potion that Mrs. Feldly was going to come collect in the morning when Severus realized it was time to get ready for his date. Harry agreed that he would finish it himself before locking up for the day, and then he watched as Severus went upstairs to his flat. Harry had been working with Severus for half a year, and he had never been invited upstairs, so he had no idea what the man’s flat looked like, though he really wanted to. He tried not to think about the fact that Malfoy would probably find out soon enough. 

When Severus returned, he was wearing nice dress robes that flattered his body more than his normal work robes, and his hair had been washed and was being held back away from his face. He also looked more happy and confident than normal. In other words, he looked like himself but also even sexier than normal. Harry had to fight to keep himself from drooling. 

"Like what you see, Potter?" sneered Severus. 

Okay, Harry had apparently been way to obvious with his staring, and the sneer on Severus's face told Harry just how much he appreciated the looks Harry was giving him. "Sorry, sir," said Harry. "I hope you have fun on your date."

Severus didn't look happy with that answer, but he didn’t say anything else. He nodded to Harry and then left to meet Malfoy at the fancy, expensive restaurant Harry would never have thought to visit. He preferred restaurants with a more homey feel, the kind that served food like he could find at the Burrow, not the snobby food Aunt Petunia made for Uncle Vernon’s business partners. 

Which was just another reason why Malfoy was a better match for Severus than Harry was. 

Sighing, Harry tried to focus on the potion he was supposed to be finishing. Every time he tried, though, he found himself thinking more and more about Severus and Malfoy. They must have reached the restaurant already. They were probably at a secluded table that was decorated with fancy flowers and a pristine tablecloth Harry would have been terrified of spilling something on. They were probably talking about how successful Malfoy was and how pathetic it was that Harry was just a lowly assistant, if they even talked about him at all. But of course they wouldn’t. They would be talking about themselves and how perfect they were together. And then they would order and enjoy their fancy food that Harry probably couldn’t even pronounce, and then they would go back to one of their homes and have great sex, and they would fall in love and get married, and then Severus would realize he didn’t even want to be around someone as pathetic and uncultured as Harry, and he would fire him, and Harry would never see Severus ever again. 

Okay, maybe that was a bit extreme. But it could happen. 

The potion. He was supposed to be working on the potion. He could do this. Had to do this, really. Severus didn’t often have him actually brew the potions, and he wanted to prove that he could handle the responsibility. He wanted to make Severus proud. Not that he would be proud that Harry had managed to brew a simple hair lengthening potion, but he would certainly never respect Harry if he messed it up.

Harry spent the next hour trying to make the potion, but he kept getting distracted picturing Severus and Malfoy on their date. He tried to take comfort in the fact that they had not come back here for “drinks” (i.e. sex), but they were probably just still at dinner. Or maybe they were going to retire to Malfoy’s place. Or maybe they were going to go at it like animals behind the restaurant.

Harry hit his forehead against the table. He had serious problems. He had to stop thinking about them. His stomach was already twisted into knots, and his hands were numb and shaking, and he felt like crying. He had to stop. This was stupid. So Severus was on a date with someone else. It wasn’t like he hadn’t always figured this would happen eventually. He knew Severus would never go out with him, at least. He should be happy for the man. And he was. Sort of. He wanted Severus to be happy. He just wished he could have been the one to make the man happy. 

But he wasn’t, and that was fine. He wiped away the tears that he had been trying to pretend weren’t there, and then he tried to make the potion again. It took him two more hours, and he had to restart several times, but he finally managed to get it right. Severus still had not returned, which meant he was either having a wonderful dinner or else had continued the date elsewhere, neither of which was very comforting to Harry. 

He labeled the potion and put it on the shelf and then locked up. He walked slowly to his flat, which wasn’t all that far from the shop. He made himself a simple dinner, forced down a few bites, and then gave up and went to bed, where he was unable to fall asleep for several more hours, as thoughts of Severus and Malfoy kept swirling around in his mind. 

 

 

-HPSS-

 

Severus hated the look on Harry’s face before he left for his date. He could not tell if Harry was shocked that he managed to look halfway decent or if he was shocked that Severus had not put in enough effort to look better, but either way he felt insulted. He knew he was not attractive, but this was best he was probably ever going to look. He figured he owed it to Draco to at least try to look presentable and not like he had been brewing potions all day, even if he had. Then again, it was not as though Draco did not know what Severus normally looked like. Surely if he had a problem with Severus’s appearance he would not have asked him out in the first place, right? 

This was why Severus never understood the point of dating. What was the point in getting all dressed up and doing activities you would normally hate? The other person would eventually learn that was not really you and stop wanting to be with you, assuming they made it that far to begin with. Now that he thought of that, Severus wondered why he had even bothered. Then he remembered the look on Harry's face and was glad he had. It hurt enough knowing the young man would never want to date him, but it was even worse knowing Harry was so surprised and potentially disgusted by the thought that someone else might want to. 

Draco was standing outside the restaurant when Severus arrived. His hair was sleeked back, and there was a smile on his face. 

"Severus, good to see you," said Draco. "I've made reservations, and they're expecting us."

Severus followed him inside. The host took one look at Draco before bowing and showing them to their table, which was in the back, away from all the other tables.

"I thought a man such as yourself would appreciate privacy," said Draco.

Severus inclined his head. "Thank you." 

They sat down at a table with a white tablecloth and a vase of flowers. This was not the type of restaurant Severus would have normally visited, but there was no denying it was impressive. The host gave them menus and took their drink orders and then hurried away.

"So, Draco, I have to admit that this was somewhat of a surprise to me," said Severus. "It is not often that former students request my presence for such a fine dining experience."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he thought better of them. Draco, however, seemed to find him amusing. 

"I've always found you interesting," said Draco. "You were quite the hero in the war."

Severus was not used to hearing that sort of talk from anyone other than Harry, and even he had mostly stopped once he finally got the dunderheads at the Ministry to realize that he was innocent. 

"You flatter me," said Severus.

"That's the idea," said Draco, smiling. "I've heard flattery is the best way to get what you want."

"And what exactly do you want?"

The young man raised his eyebrows. "I thought it was obvious. You."

Severus had never been on the receiving end of such flattery before, and he certainly had never had someone be that direct with him. Therefore he was at a loss as to the proper way to respond. He did not wish to insult Draco’s taste, but he would never have survived this long if he did not question everything. "You are a handsome, wealthy young man. Surely you have more suitable prospects than a former professor."

"You were always a fascinating man," said Draco. He took his drink from the returning waiter and swirled the liquid around in the glass, a trick Severus knew the younger man had learned from his father. "You’re clever and cunning. You know how to behave in proper society. Your family's wealth rivals mine. We're a perfect match. Plus, I've always been interested in you. It was the way you carry yourself, the way you don't let anyone tell you what to do. I respect that. That's the sort of partner I want to have."

Severus sipped his scotch while me mulled over those words. When phrased that way, he supposed they made sense, though he still could not deny that there were younger, more attractive men who also shared his positive traits. There was also the way Draco had claimed that they were “a perfect match,” which made it sound more like they were discussing paint samples than romantic partners, but Severus was hardly in the position to be picky.

"And me?" asked Draco.

Severus blinked and realized that he probably should have responded to Draco’s previous words in some way. “Pardon?”

"Do I have the qualities you look for in a partner?" he asked. 

Severus almost laughed. Draco spoke as though Severus had ever given this serious thought, as if he had ever imagined he would find someone willing to overlook his appearance, personality, and Death Eater past. Of course he had never wasted his time dreaming up some person who would never exist. He would have no idea where to begin. Except that was not precisely true. Late at night, when the loneliness overwhelmed him, he pictured black hair and green eyes and a shy little smile, but he quickly pushed those thoughts from his head. It was pointless to dwell on someone who would never want him, especially when there was a handsome young man right in front of him who clearly did think of him in a sexual way. 

"You certainly have potential," said Severus. "I suppose we shall continue with the date and find out, no?"

He hoped that sounded mysterious rather than ridiculous, and Draco continued to smile smugly at him, so Severus assumed he was successful. 

The two of them talked for over an hour. They both ordered the steak, and Draco sent his back because it was half a shade darker than he had ordered. He scolded the waiter and made such a scene that Severus actually felt the desire to apologize on his behalf. He had to remind himself that there was nothing wrong with ensuring you received what you were paying for. Besides, there was a time in Severus's life, when he was about Draco's age, that he would have done the exact same thing, and he would have been just as rude as Draco had been. Still, his traitorous mind could not help imagining what Harry would have done in the same situation, and he knew Harry would never have made a scene as Draco had, not even if they had brought him the completely wrong meal. 

However, while Draco had indeed been rude, Severus realized it was also rude to think about someone else when he was on a date, so he pushed Harry from his mind once again and focused on Draco. They talked about the shop and why Severus had set it up. They talked about Draco's own line of work. Then they went back to topic the topic of the shop - and Harry.

"I can't believe you've got Potter working for you," said Draco. "How did that even happen?"

"He came to me one day and asked if he could have a job," said Severus. 

"And you just hired him?" Draco laughed. "I would have just laughed him right out of the shop."

Severus frowned. "He went to a lot of trouble to make sure that you and I were not sent to Azkaban at the end of the war. You should show him a modicum of respect."

Draco raised his eyebrows. "You can't be serious. You want me to respect Potter? Lover of all things Muggle? Look, I'm grateful he stood up for me, and if he were lying on the ground in front of me, I'd help him out. But that doesn't mean I'd want to work with him. Besides, wasn't he absolutely rubbish at potions?"

"He has gotten better these last several months. I could not have hoped for a better assistant."

"I can't imagine Potter would be happy being number two to anyone," said Draco. "You'd better watch out, or he'll try to take the shop right out from under you."

He was smiling, but Severus found nothing amusing. He did not like the Harry of Draco’s imagination, the cold and calculating one who built Severus up just to watch him fall. The real Harry would never do that. For one thing, all Harry had to do was snap his fingers, and he could have his own shop if he really wanted one, and Severus knew which store everyone would flock to if that happened. For another, Harry had been the one who encouraged him to open his own shop since he did not want to continue teaching. He would not have done that just to turn around and take the store away from him. Yes, there might have been a time when Severus would have been as distrustful of Harry as Draco was, but that was a long time ago, before they had trained together and become - dare he say it? - friends. 

But he did not want to get into all of that with Draco. He was supposed to have stopped thinking about Harry, even if Draco was the one who brought him up, so all he said was, “I am not concerned.” 

Fortunately, Draco soon tired of talking about Harry and started talking about how he was soon going to have the Ministry of Magic eating out of the palm of his hand with all the dark wizards he was helping them catch. Then they chatted about the news while they ate dessert. When they were done, they both reached for the bill. Severus was surprised when Draco insisted on paying, saying he had asked Severus out and so it was his job to pay. Then he asked if Severus wanted to return to his place for some drinks. Severus knew where things would probably lead if he agreed, and while Draco was not the young man Severus most wanted to go home with that night, he was the only one who was offering, so Severus accepted.

They had drinks and then sure enough Draco was leading Severus into his room and then they were taking off their clothes and falling into bed. It had been years since Severus had been intimate with anyone, and there was no denying that Draco was very good at what he was doing. There was no cuddling afterward, which was fine with Severus as he could not imagine spooning Draco Malfoy. Harry, on the other hand - no. He could not go there. He had had a wonderful evening with Draco; there was no reason to spoil it by once again thinking of someone else.

He thanked Draco for the date and then made his way home. The shop was closed, and the potion he left with Harry was labeled and put in the proper location, just as he knew it would be. 

Severus walked up to his flat and showered before climbing into bed, trying to convince himself that Draco was the one he was thinking about as he fell asleep. 

 

-HPSS \- 

 

The next morning, Harry waited around the block for a full ten minutes before he convinced himself he was being stupid and forced himself to go to work. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, exactly, but when he walked in and didn’t see Malfoy anywhere, he relaxed a little. 

“Thank you for making Mrs. Feldly’s potion last night,” said Severus. 

“Oh, yeah, sure. No problem. Glad I could help.” Harry slid onto his seat next to Severus and looked at the list of potions they would be making that day. It wasn’t that long, which normally he liked because that meant they had more time to just sit around and talk while they waited for customers to come in. Today, though, that meant he really should be asking Severus about his date. It would look weird if he didn’t, right? Maybe not asking about it would give his feelings away. But could he really ask without making his feelings even more obvious? After all, he was fairly certain Severus would catch on if he suddenly burst into tears. 

Harry got the ingredients for the first potion and brought them back to his work station. He was being stupid. If Malfoy was going to become a permanent fixture in Severus’s life, Harry might as well get used to it now. 

"So, um, how was your date last night?" Harry winced at how weak his voice sounded, but he couldn’t fix it now. 

“I was pleasantly surprised,” said Severus. 

Harry waited a moment, and when it became clear Severus wasn’t going to offer any more information, he asked, “What did you guys do?” 

“We met at Hibiscus,” said Severus. “I am fairly certain I have never had a more expensive meal in my life, but Draco paid, so I certainly cannot complain.”

Harry nodded, feeling sick. Of course he had no complaints about the restaurant. He probably appreciated fine dining like that. He would probably have hated it if Malfoy had taken him to the type of place Harry liked to go to, with the big meals and the friendly staff and lack of dress code. 

“Have you ever been there?” 

Harry shook his head. “That’s not really my thing,” he said softly. “But I can imagine it was nice on a date.”

“It was. I generally prefer less flashy restaurants, but I suppose one must try new things now and again.”

Harry looked up. Severus didn’t normally like that sort of thing? He didn’t know why that made him happy, but it did. At least until Severus said, “Draco seems to be under the impression that you want to steal the shop out from under me.”

Harry frowned. “Why in the world would I want to do that?”

“Apparently he does not think the Boy Who Lived could ever possibly be content as someone else’s assistant.”

The nauseous feeling returned. He could picture the two of them sitting there in their fancy restaurant laughing at poor, pathetic, ambition-less Potter. 

“Potter?” 

Harry looked up to find a concerned-looking Severus staring at him. “What?”

“I know you are not planning to steal my shop.”

Harry forced a small smile on his face. “That’s good.” 

Severus still looked confused. “Why do you still look as though I just said you were poised to become the next Dark Lord, then?”

Harry let out a short laugh and shook his head. “It’s nothing. I don’t love the idea of Malfoy getting a good laugh in at my expense, but I guess there’s not much I can do about that.”

“What was there to laugh about?” asked Severus. 

Harry raised his eyebrows. “Come on. Harry Potter, who everyone thought was going to be an Auror or a Quidditch star or something else impressive, ended up being just a lowly assistant. I’m sure you both had a nice long laugh about that.” 

Severus turned so he was completely facing Harry. “Do you really think I would laugh at you for working for me?” 

Now Harry felt even worse. “I mean, not for working for you specifically. But for not doing more.”

“I happen to think we work well together. I could not have asked for a better assistant.” 

Harry blinked. “Really? You think I’m a good assistant?” 

“Surely you were not under the impression I would let you work for me if you did a substandard job.” 

“I guess not. But that doesn’t mean you don’t still think less of me for not doing more with my life.”

“I assure you, I have never thought less of you for working for me. I am actually rather impressed with how much your potion skills have improved, as I told Draco.” 

“Oh.” It wasn’t as good as dating Severus, but the fact that Severus not only thought he was doing a good job but also told Malfoy that on their date made Harry happier than he had been in years. He found himself unable to stop smiling, so he looked down so Severus wouldn’t realize how much those words meant to him. “Thank you.”

They started working on the potion again, Harry much more upbeat this time than when they started. 

The good feeling didn’t last for long, though. They had just finished the first potion when the door opened and Malfoy entered the shop. He walked right past Harry and pulled Severus in for a kiss. 

Harry looked away quickly as his breath caught. It was bad enough knowing they were together, but having to watch them was too painful. He mumbled something about needing to get more belladonna from the back and then shut himself into the storage cupboard. His eyes filled with tears, and he bit his lip to try to keep from openly sobbing. Then he gave up and cast a silencing charm so he could cry without worrying about being overheard. 

He didn’t even know why he was still crying. He thought he had gotten the tears out of his system back when he first realized the depth of his feelings for Severus and knew nothing would ever come of them. Then he thought he had gotten rid of them when the night Severus turned down his offer of drinks because he was “tired.” At the very least, he thought he had gotten them out of his system the night before. How many times was he going to have to cry over Severus before he finally accepted that there was no hope to be had? Was he going to do this every time Severus and Malfoy kissed? Whenever Severus talked about him or anyone else he might be dating? He wouldn’t be able to keep this up for long if that were the case, not if he wanted to remain in Severus’s life and keep his sanity intact. He needed to get this stupid crush under control fast. 

Harry took a few deep breaths and finally managed to get the crying under control. Then he spelled away any evidence of his crying, took down the silencing spell, and walked back out. Fortunately by then Malfoy had left. 

"Well, you two seem happy together," said Harry. 

“I suppose you could say that,” said Severus. He was looking at the list of potions they still had to make. 

Harry took his seat at the work station again. “What did Malfoy want? Just to say hi?” 

“He invited me to go see a comedian next weekend.” 

Harry didn’t even realize there were wizard comedians, but he supposed there had to be since he couldn’t imagine Malfoy going to see a Muggle do anything. “I guess that’s fun. So you guys are probably going to be seeing a lot more of each other lately, huh?” 

“It certainly seems that way, yes.” 

Was Harry imagining things, or did Severus not seem as happy as he should have? No, he had to be imagining things. Why wouldn’t he be happy that a handsome if obnoxious guy was interested in him? 

“I thought you were going to get more belladonna,” said Severus.

“What?” Harry looked down at his work station and then realized that had been his excuse to get up before. “Oh, right. I must have forgotten. I’ll be right back.” 

Severus frowned as Harry hurried back to the supply cupboard. “How did you forget?” 

Harry hesitated as he grabbed the belladonna. “Oh, um, I came in here and then started thinking that I should organize the spices in my apartment the same way, and then I thought about how I don’t actually have that many spices anyway since it’s just me and I don’t really cook elaborate meals or anything, so I probably can just leave my spices as they are, and then I came back out, and I forgot about the belladonna.”

Severus was staring at him with his eyebrow raised when Harry got back out. “You were in there for quite some time.”

“There might have been more steps than that, but that was the gist of it.”

Severus still didn’t look like he believed him, so Harry shrugged. “If you were in my head it would make sense.”

“No wonder you are confused all the time.”

Harry forced a laugh. Severus thought he was confused all the time? He didn’t think he had been making that many mistakes lately, but maybe he had. But surely Severus would have said something if that were the case, wouldn’t he? After all, he had just been talking about how Harry was a great assistant. Surely he wouldn’t have said that if Harry was always doing stuff wrong, right? But then why say it? Was mocking Harry just something Severus did now when he had nothing better to do? Harry had thought they were past that stage, but maybe they were reentering it now that Severus was dating Draco. Great. Just what Harry needed: for Severus to start thinking he was incompetent again. 

Maybe it would be better if he just left for a while. He could take some time and travel, see the world, maybe meet someone who would make him forget about Severus. After all, staying here and working with the man every day hadn’t done anything to make him get over his crush. If anything, he was more in love with the man now than he ever had been before, which was horrible since it wasn’t as though Severus would ever be interested in him like that. Hell, he didn’t even think Severus thought of him as a friend. He had turned down Harry’s only attempt to do anything social outside of work. He refused to call Harry by his first name. 

Of course, even though leaving would probably be in his own best interest, Harry knew he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t leave Severus. That was why he had asked to work here in the first place when he could have had any job in the world. He told Severus he was tired of fighting, that he just wanted to help people instead, but while that was true, it wasn’t the main reason. He really just wanted to be near Severus, to have an excuse to talk to him every day. There was a brief moment when he first started working for Severus when Harry thought maybe Severus had let him stay because he felt the same way, but then Severus had turned down his offer to have drinks, and he realized Severus had probably only hired him as a way to repay Harry’s hard work in making sure Severus didn’t end up in Azkaban after the war. He had thought about leaving then, not wanting to take advantage of the man’s guilt, but he hadn’t been able to stomach the idea of never seeing Severus again. He couldn’t handle it then, and he couldn’t handle it now. 

No, he would just have to get used to seeing Severus and Malfoy kiss without needing to run from the room. That was all there was to it. He could bring down Voldemort; surely he could handle this. 

 

-HPSS-

 

Severus spent the next two weeks trying to understand what Harry’s problem was. Whenever they talked about Draco or the young man came around the shop, Harry would become quiet and distant and morose, though he did eventually stop fleeing the room, which Severus decided to count as progress. When he and Harry were alone, however, Harry acted very much the same as he always did. Severus did not know what was causing the change. Well, that was not entirely true. He did know what was causing the change; he simply did not know why Draco’s presence would cause such a change in Harry. 

It was almost as though Harry were upset to see Severus dating Draco, but he did not understand why that would be. Harry would not have fought so hard to ensure Severus had a normal life just to turn around and want him to be miserable. And he done the same for Draco, so it could not be that Harry disliked him. It was almost as though Harry were jealous, but that certainly could not be the case. Unless he liked Draco? The blond was attractive, and he was certainly the most talented lover Severus had ever had, so he supposed that was a possibility. That would also have explained why Harry was so upset when he thought Severus and Draco had been laughing about him being an assistant. If he had a crush on Draco, he would want the young man to think well of him. 

He pushed the thought from his mind. Harry could not possibly like Draco. Draco was not even his type. Then again, he had no idea what Harry’s type even was. Harry never mentioned going on any dates, nor had Severus seen pictures of him in the paper with anyone. In fact, there had been several articles on the subject near the end of the war, speculating about why Harry was attending all the Ministry galas alone or with Severus and when he was going to settle down with a nice witch or wizard and “start a family,” a phrase that Severus detested. As though a family could not consist of two people who loved each other without adding a squirming, crying infant to the mix. Severus knew Harry at least preferred males, but that was the extent of his knowledge on the subject. Either Harry was extremely private and secretive about his dating habits or Severus actually had a better social life than Harry, which hardly seemed possible. 

Severus was still mulling over this information when Draco took him to see his favorite comedian, Runcorn Dirge. Severus did not know what he had been expecting, but an hour and a half of “this is why Muggles are stupid” was not it. He had known that Draco was not a Death Eater like his father, but apparently he had misunderstood just how far his superiority complex went. The young man actually laughed out loud several times, whereas Severus found himself sinking further into his chair, hoping no one whose opinion he valued saw him leaving this show. 

“Wasn’t he great?” Draco asked as they left. He put his hand on Severus’s arm and guided them back to his place. 

“He was certainly memorable,” said Severus. 

Draco frowned. “You didn’t like him? Don’t tell me you’re going soft now.” 

“Need I remind you how long it took for the wizarding world to forgive me for my past indiscretions?” Severus looked around and picked up the pace, wanting to put as much distance between him and that entertainer as possible. 

Draco stopped and crossed his arms. “And you think that someone is watching you, ready to throw you in Azkaban for laughing at some jokes? It’s not like any Muggles were actually hurt. What’s the big deal?” 

Severus sighed. He did not enjoy fighting with Draco. The whole reason he was with the younger man was because he was supposed to be a nice distraction from his own problems, and it was hard to relax when you were fighting. “Forgive me,” he said finally. “I had a terrible night’s sleep, and I am not at my best.”

Draco seemed to consider this, and then he nodded and started walking again. “I know exactly how you can make it up to me.”

He smirked at Severus, and Severus knew he would be making it up to Draco with sexual favors, and he could not really say he minded. Sex was a welcome distraction from thoughts of the horrible comedian. 

Sadly, it was not enough to keep thoughts of Harry from his mind. He dressed and headed back to his place afterward, just as he always did per Draco’s request, and he thought about what Harry would have said about the comedian. Then he immediately felt even worse for having seen the man in the first place and then he felt even worse for blaming his bad opinion on his lack of sleep. 

He felt even worse the next day when Harry asked him about his date. 

“Was the comedian any good?” 

“He was atrocious,” said Severus, and he immediately felt better having said it aloud. “He did nothing but mock Muggles the entire time. The Dark Lord would have found him incredibly entertaining.”

Harry pursed his lips but said nothing. Severus raised an eyebrow. “You look as though you have something to say.”

Harry shook his head. “I’m sorry you had a lousy time. That’s all.”

Severus highly doubted that was all Harry was thinking. “You are not going to say anything about the fact that Draco suggested we go?”

Harry bit his lip and then shook his head. “Not my place to judge where you and your boyfriend go on dates.”

Severus cringed. “Boyfriend” sounded so juvenile. It also sounded too official for what he and Draco were, though he did not want to go into details about that with Harry at the moment. Now was as good a time as any to ask Harry what he had been wanting to ask him for the past few days. 

“Speaking of romantic partners,” he said. “You know about my love life, but I know nothing about yours. Who are you dating these days?” 

Harry blinked up at him in confusion, and Severus could hardly fault him for that. After all, this was a subject matter Severus never thought he would bring up willingly. 

“I’m not seeing anyone,” said Harry finally. 

“I find that hard to believe,” said Severus. “Surely you do not spend all your nights alone in your flat?”

Harry flushed and looked down. “I visit Ron and Hermione at least once a week, and I generally see the rest of the Weasleys throughout the month. And Luna when she’s in town. And Neville when he’s on break. I mean, it’s not like I’m a recluse.” 

“You keep up with your friends, yes, but are you not interested in anyone romantically? You are young. This is the time to go out and have fun and fall in love, is it not?” 

Harry frowned, his flush deepening. “So, what, you start dating someone and all of a sudden it’s your job to lecture me on how I spend my time? How would you have felt a month ago if I had told you you were wasting your life in this shop by yourself?” 

“I would have reminded you that you were here with me, so I would hardly have been alone. But I do see your point. It was not my intention to offend you. I was simply marveling at the fact that I seem to be having a better social life than you at the moment, and I could not understand the reason for that. I would have expected to see you dating someone new every other week at least.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not interested.” Harry chopped the roots in front of him with more force than was strictly necessary. 

“You are not interested in dating?” Severus knew he should stop, but he found this information hard to understand. 

“What? There are plenty of people in the world who aren’t interested in dating.”

“I am aware,” said Severus slowly. “I just did not know that you were one of them.”

Harry sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m not, really. Though sometimes I wish I were.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “And why is that?”

“It would make my life easier is all. I mean, I’d have more people like you asking why I don’t date, and that would get super annoying, but at least I wouldn’t have to deal with all the troubles that come with finding people to date and all that.” 

Severus snorted. “I doubt you of all people have a hard time finding dates. What is the problem? Can you not find anyone who meets your expectations?” 

Harry looked up at him, a hurt look on his face that Severus immediately wanted to make disappear. "Is that what you think of me? That I'm just some arrogant jackass running around thinking I'm better than everyone else?"

Severus hated the pained look he saw in those bright green eyes. "No," he admitted quietly. "I do not think that. I just can also think of no other reason why you of all people would claim to have a hard time finding a partner."

Harry let out a little snort. "I can give you a few. Try the fact that I'm Harry bloody Potter. Everyone I meet, I have to wonder ‘Are they really interested in me? Or just the fame?’ And let me tell you this - so far, everyone I met's only been interested in being able to say that they fucked the Boy Who Lived. They don't want anything other than that."

"I doubt that is the case," said Severus. "What made you jump to that idiotic conclusion?"

"How about the fact that most of them left as soon as I didn't want sex with them?" asked Harry. "They'd invite me in for drinks, but the second they tried to do more than kiss and I said to stop, they'd get mad and tell me to leave. I'm surprised you hadn't read about that in all the papers."

Severus said nothing. He had heard rumors that Harry Potter was a prude, but he had not thought to take them seriously.

"Might I ask why you turned them down?" asked Severus.

"Because I don't want to jump into bed with someone who doesn't actually like me," said Harry. "I know you probably think I'm stupid, that sex is just something you do, but I don't feel the same way, okay? I always thought my first time would be with someone who at least cared about me, even if they didn't love me. Then I thought I'd just wait and see who wanted to be with me just because they were halfway interested in me and not my fame, but so far I haven't found anyone who fits that description either, and after a while it gets hard to keep trying, you know? Well I guess you don't know. You have Draco. You're happy, and I'm happy for you. I really am. But it's hard for me, okay?" 

Severus was not entirely sure what to say to that. How was it possible that this handsome, intelligent, caring, wonderful young man had practically given up on ever finding love? “Is there no one you are interested in? Perhaps there is someone out there who wants to be with you but fears they could not hope to compete with everyone else for your affections.” 

Harry scoffed. “If that’s the case, they don’t know me very well. I’d rather have one person who loves me for me than a slew of followers who only want my fame.” Harry sighed. “But it doesn’t matter. There was someone I was interested in, but he would never think of me the same way. I don’t think he even thinks of me as a friend. And he’s with someone else now anyway, so it’s not even like he would turn to me out of desperation. And I don’t blame him. His partner’s better suited for him than I am. I mean, let’s face it, you take away my fame, and you’re not left with very many other reasons to want me.” 

He was smiling sadly at Severus, who wanted nothing more than to tell him how ridiculous this line of thinking was. At that moment, though, the door opened and Draco walked in. As usual, he walked right up to Severus and pulled him into kiss. Also as usual, Harry ducked his head and looked as though he were fighting the urge to run out of the room. 

Later that evening, when Severus was alone in his sitting room with a glass of scotch in his hand, he replayed his conversation with Harry. How Harry had said he had basically given up on love. How he said he was interested in someone who would never feel the same. Severus could imagine no scenario where someone could learn that Harry had feelings for him and not return them. Except perhaps Draco. But Harry could not possibly like Draco, could he? He frowned. Harry had started to act strangely once he and Draco had started dating, and watching them kiss certainly seemed to pain him. 

Draco would fit part of that description, but at the same time, Severus could not think of any time when Harry had tried to talk to Draco. Ever. Even when he had defended Draco at the end of the war, he seemed to be doing it more out of duty than anything else, unlike when he defended Severus. During that time, Harry wrote editorials in the Daily Prophet and camped outside the Minister’s office until he agreed to clear Severus. When Draco’s name came up, Harry spoke at the hearing. If he was in love with Draco, surely he would have put more effort into getting his name cleared, would he not? At the very least, he should have put in just as much effort as he did for Severus. 

A thought struck him then, one that was so outlandish and unlikely that Severus had to drink two more glasses of scotch before he could seriously consider it. What if Severus was the one Harry was interested in? 

He did not see how he could be the object of Harry’s affections, but at the same time it almost made sense. Severus was recently in a relationship, and an argument could be made that Draco, as a Slytherin and former Death Eater, could understand Severus in a way that Harry could not, at least if one did not know how uncomfortable Draco’s views sometimes made him. Was it possible Harry did not think Severus thought of him as a friend? Severus thought back to the conversations they had had over the past few years. He would not have called their relationship a friendship for fear of being too presumptuous, but he knew in his mind he considered Harry a friend. And Harry had certainly had many opportunities to stop spending time with Severus, but instead he had asked to work with him. Harry had even invited him out for drinks once early on, which Severus had turned down because he was sure the young man had just been being polite.

But what if Harry had worked so hard because he had romantic feelings for Severus? What if that was the reason why Harry Potter, who could have done anything with his life, had chosen to work as Severus’s assistant? What if he had been trying to ask Severus out that night and took his rejection to mean Severus wanted nothing to do with him romantically?

The very idea was ridiculous, though Severus could not shake the notion that it was not as ridiculous as he thought. After all, Harry had never shown any interest in potions before. Why would he suddenly want to help make potions for a living? And if he had suddenly taken an interest in potions, he could have gotten a job anywhere. Why work with Severus? 

He thought about the conversations they had had during the war as Severus trained him, how after their talks the young man seemed more vibrant, less withdrawn than he used to be. He thought of how happy Harry had been since working for him, how they had gotten to know each other even better, how Harry made him laugh like no one else had ever been able to, about how he in turn had made Harry laugh. He tried to think of other people Harry must have been spending time with, but he mostly seemed to spend time with Granger and Weasley, and the two of them were still sickeningly in love. Besides, they were definitely friends, as were all of the other people Harry spent any time with. 

The only person he might not realize was his friend was Severus. Or perhaps there was some other person Harry was in love with, someone he had never mentioned because he feared ridicule. Yes, that would make far more sense than the handsome young man wanting Severus. 

And yet that would not explain why he seemed so bothered by the fact that Severus was dating Draco. It would not explain why he had looked so upset the day Draco had asked him out, why he fled the room whenever they kissed. Harry did not tease him about the public displays of affection the way he had with Granger and Weasley, yet Severus no longer thought it was because Harry found the idea of Severus dating repulsive. What if he was upset because he wanted to be the one kissing Severus? 

He knew he was probably suffering from wishful thinking, but the more he went over the details he knew, the less ridiculous the idea sounded. Now he just had to figure out if he was right - but how was he going to do that? If he actually was the man Harry was interested in, he knew Harry would never tell him, not as long as he thought he was with Draco. But Severus also did not want to get rid of his distraction only to find that Harry was interested in someone else. This would be much easier if he could slip Harry some Veritaserum, but he knew that would be an unforgivable breach of trust. 

Not for the first time, Severus was at a loss about what to do. 

 

-HPSS-

 

Harry wasn’t sure how much longer he could take this. On the one hand, he was happy that Severus was happy. On the other, he was miserable. Malfoy stopped by almost every day to say hi to Severus and snog him for a few minutes. Harry’s stomach twisted in jealousy every time it happened, and he was seriously starting to think about quitting. He would hate being away from Severus, but maybe he would be able to move past this stupid crush if he did. Not that he could keep telling himself it was just a crush. He was in love with Severus, and it was slowly killing him. 

And unless he was mistaken, Severus seemed to sense that something was wrong with Harry, too. He was always shooting him contemplative looks, like he was trying to figure out what he was thinking. Harry even caught him glancing from Malfoy to him and back to Malfoy a few times as the blond left, like he was putting two and two together, which was the last thing Harry needed. It was bad enough to be in love with someone who didn’t want him back; it would be even worse to have the man find out. He would no doubt mock Harry mercilessly and insist that he leave immediately. Or maybe he would look at Harry with pity as he tried to let him down gently. He wasn’t really sure which would be worse. 

Maybe he really should just leave, before he took too long and Severus figured out how Harry felt. 

But Harry wasted too much time, it seemed, for one evening about a month after Severus and Malfoy had started dating, Severus stopped Harry as he was leaving and asked, “Would you like to join me for a drink upstairs?”

Harry froze, his heart beating faster than normal. He had never been invited upstairs before, and he had so wanted to see what Severus’s apartment looked like. At the same time, he could think of no good reason why Severus would invite him there now, when he seemed so close to figuring out how Harry felt. 

“Don’t you have a date?” he asked, trying to kill time before he had to answer. 

“Not tonight,” said Severus. He looked uncomfortable. “I was hoping you and I could talk.” 

Well, that was it. Severus knew the truth, and it seemed he was going with the letting him down gently option. At least Harry assumed that was why drinks were involved. Surely if he were just going to yell and throw Harry out, he wouldn’t give him a drink first. Part of Harry wanted to say no, to force him to just tell him right then, but he found he couldn’t do it. As pathetic as it was, he wanted to see where Severus lived. He wanted to share a drink with the man, even though he knew it would only end in pain and embarrassment. 

“Okay,” said Harry. “Sure.”

Severus didn’t exactly look happy that he had agreed, though given what they were sure to be discussing, Harry couldn’t really blame him. He watched as the older man locked the front door and put out the “closed” sign, and then he followed the man upstairs to his flat. 

Harry had never known for sure what to expect from Severus’s rooms. Sometimes he expected them to be dark like a cave. Other times he expected it to be decked out in Slytherin colors. A few times he amused himself with the image of them actually being decorated in red and gold. In reality, the walls were a deep blue, with a matching blue rug and dark hardwood floors. An ornately decorated table rested on the middle of the rug, and there was a fancy brown couch along the back wall and two brown armchairs, one on either side of a fireplace. All in all, it looked rather cozy, and Harry was once again sad and jealous that Malfoy probably got to spend a ton of time here with Severus and he didn’t. 

“You have a beautiful flat,” said Harry quietly as he followed Severus into the room.

Severus looked surprised. “Thank you. Draco says I should modernize, that it looks as though I have not updated the decor in fifty years.”

Fucking Malfoy. Could he never just appreciate what he had? “You’ve only had this place for like two years.”

“I pointed that out.” Severus gave Harry a small smile, but he still seemed distracted, which made Harry’s stomach clench. Maybe coming here was a bad idea. 

Severus gestured for him to sit down, so Harry took a seat on the couch while Severus walked over to the drink cart in the corner of the room. “What would you like to drink?” 

“Whatever you’re having,” said Harry, not wanting to choose a drink Severus found childish. If this was going to be the last conversation they had, he at least wanted to leave Severus with as favorable an opinion as possible. 

Severus poured two scotches and handed one to Harry before sitting at the other end of the couch. Hoping the alcohol would settle his nerves, Harry took a big sip and then coughed as it burned the back of his throat. So much for leaving Severus with a good impression of himself. Harry’s face burned and not just because he was having trouble breathing.

“Small sips, Harry,” said Severus, smiling. 

Harry almost choked again. "You called me Harry."

Severus frowned. "Does that both you?"

"No!" Harry said. "I've been trying to get you to call me that for months. I just figured you didn't like me that much." Harry realized how childish his words sounded and winced, wanting to take them back. 

Severus didn’t seem to realize, though, as he was once again looking at Harry with that thoughtful look, as though Harry were a puzzle he was trying to solve. "And that bothered you?"

Okay, if Severus didn’t realize calling him by his last name bothered him, did that mean it was possible he hadn’t figured out Harry’s true feelings? He didn’t want to hope and be wrong, but he also didn’t want to pass up this chance to maybe get Severus to call him Harry and start to see him as a friend, even if they would never be anything more. 

“Kind of. I mean, I’ve respected you for years. I wanted us to be friends, but it didn’t seem like you did.” He hesitated and then asked, “Since you’re calling me Harry and drinking with me, does that mean you think of me as a friend?” 

 

-HPSS-

 

Severus could have jumped for joy. Harry had no idea that Severus thought of him as a friend. While that was not a confession of love, it certainly made it more likely that Severus had been the one Harry had been talking about before. And he sounded so hopeful when he asked if Severus thought of him as a friend. Severus hated that his actions had led Harry to think that Severus did not even view him as a friend, but he could not deny that he felt more hopeful than he had in some time. 

“Yes, Harry," he said softly. "I've thought of you as a friend since the war ended, possibly before."

Harry beamed at him, and Severus's chest tightened. When was the last time he saw Harry smile like that? Was this perhaps a bad sign after all? Was he only interested in friendship with Severus and would be content now because he realized they were indeed friends?

“I have to admit, I am rather surprised you did not already know that,” said Severus. “Surely you must have realized I would not let you work for me if I had disliked you?”

Harry took another sip of scotch - smaller this time - and then said, looking down at his glass, “Well, I mean, I figured you didn’t hate me. But I also thought maybe you thought you had to let me, since I helped keep you from Azkaban. I mean, you didn’t owe me anything, of course. It was the least I could do. But I still thought maybe your misguided sense of honor had taken charge or something.”

Severus snorted. “I am fairly certain that is the first time anyone has ever accused me of having any sense of honor, much less a misguided one.” 

Harry gave him a small smile in return. “You know what I meant.”

Severus was not actually sure that he did, but he did like the idea that Harry thought he was honorable. 

"Harry, I can assure that I would not have let you work for me if I did enjoy having you around. I am not accustomed to having friends, but you would most certainly be on that list. I would never have suspected it, but you have grown into a rather extraordinary young man. Unlike most of the dunderheads around you, you did not spend all your time after the end of the war partying and making a fool of yourself. You did not demand that everyone worship you, even though they would have done so willingly. You handled yourself with poise and dignity, and that is why I am honored to be considered your friend.” 

That speech was more maudlin than he had intended, but after he saw the shocked, tearful look Harry was giving him, Severus was glad he had said it. Could a few kind words from him really mean that much to Harry? 

"Thank you," said Harry softly. "That means a lot to me. More than you'll ever know."

It was that last part in particular that caught Severus's attention. He might really be on the right track here. There was just one last thing he had to do to make sure. 

"So, tell me what you think of Draco," he said.

The happy look immediately vanished from Harry's face, just as Severus had expected. "Oh, he's fine, I guess. I mean, you know him better than I do, of course."

"I might know I know more about him," said Severus. "But I want to know what you think of him."

Harry was silent for a moment, considering his words. Finally, he said, "He seems to make you happy. That's enough for me to like him."

And that was probably as good an opening as Severus was likely to get. “And if he does not make me happy?"

Harry raised his eyebrows. "He doesn't? But you always seem so happy when he's around."

"I did not say he served no purpose," said Severus, "though I suppose happy is not the right word. He is a nice distraction, but I do not love him."

"Oh," said Harry, sounding surprised. Did he really think Severus loved Draco Malfoy? "Well, you haven't been together that long. Maybe you will." 

“You are hoping I will fall I love with Draco?”

“I want you to be happy,” Harry clarified. “If Malfoy can make you happy, then I want you to be with him.”

“What if I am already in love with someone?” he asked, watching Harry’s face closely. 

 

-HPSS-

 

What little hope Harry had felt when Severus said that he was not in love with Malfoy vanished the second Severus said he was in love with someone else. He tried to brush the pain away, but he doubted he was successful. He could feel his chin trembling, and he quickly took another sip of scotch, trying to cover that up. He reminded himself that all he wanted was for Severus to be happy, so he should be glad the man was in love with someone. 

“That’s great.” He took another sip of scotch and then looked down at his empty cup until he was sure he could speak again without bursting into tears. “I’m so happy for you. Does he know?” 

"Not yet," said Severus.

Harry frowned. "I don't understand. Why are you with Malfoy if you're in love with someone else?"

"I was not sure if the person I loved returned my feelings," said Severus, "I thought it would be better to have a relationship with someone who wanted me than to be alone. Recently, though, I have started to think that maybe this man might return my affections."

"Then what are you doing talking to me?" asked Harry. "You should go and find him. Tell him how you feel."

"I am doing so now," said Severus.

Harry frowned. "What? No you're not. You're talking to me."

Severus looked like he was torn between amusement and sadness. "Harry, you are the man I am in love with."

Harry stared at him, sure he must have misheard him. “What?”

Severus said it again. “I am in love with you.”

Now Harry knew he had heard right, but he still didn’t see how it could be true. “Me? But I’m not, you know. I’m nothing special.”

“Harry, there is nothing not special about you.”

Severus was smiling, but Harry found nothing amusing about that statement. “Exactly. I’m the Boy Who Lived. The famous one. The freak. The one with the scar. I’m only good if you want to be with someone famous. I have nothing else to offer.”

Severus moved closer to Harry and put his hands over Harry’s, which he just realized were trembling. “Oh, Harry. You have so much more to offer than that. You are kind and brave and handsome. You fight for what is right regardless of how difficult it is or what it costs you. You will do anything you can to help others. You are the most selfless, wonderful person I have ever met, and if it takes me the rest of my life to make you see how wonderful you are, so be it.” 

Tears were now falling down Harry’s face, but he couldn’t wipe them away because Severus was still holding his hands. This had to be some sort of trick, right? There was no way that Severus of all people had feelings for him. And yet Severus wasn’t pulling away, and Harry had never seen such a sincere expression on his face, nor had he ever known Severus to give out compliments that weren’t true. 

“You can’t possibly love me,” he whispered. 

“You are everything I could ever have asked for and everything I was sure I could never have,” whispered Severus. And then he leaned forward and brushed his lips over Harry’s. 

Heat flooded Harry’s body, and he forgot about his insecurities as Severus cupped the back of his head and deepened the kiss. Harry latched onto the front of Severus’s robes and kissed back. Their tongues danced together as the rest of the world disappeared around them. They kissed until they ran out of air, and even then they remained close, their foreheads resting together as they got some much needed air. 

“Wow,” whispered Harry. 

Severus chuckled. “Wow indeed, Mr. Potter.” 

That time, Harry didn’t mind not being called by his first name. He pulled away just enough to smile at Severus, and then he leaned forward and initiated the kissing that time. When they broke for air that time, Severus gently ran his thumb over Harry’s cheek. 

“How could you ever think I would want anyone else?” 

There were a whole list of reasons, including the fact that Severus was currently dating someone else, but Harry got the feeling he wasn’t actually supposed to answer that. Though that did remind him of something. “What about Malfoy?”

The happiness dimmed from Severus’s face. “What about him?” 

“You’re dating him, not me.” Harry played with the buttons on Severus’s shirt so he could avoid looking at the man. 

“Surely you do not think I would continue to date him after I confessed my love for you?” 

Harry met Severus’s eyes and felt a little better. “So, you won’t see him anymore?” 

“Of course not,” said Severus. “Not if you and I are to be together. I assume that is what you want?”

“Of course that’s what I want! I love you. I have since the war ended. Actually a bit before then. I just, I mean… I don’t want you to leave him and then regret it when you find out I’m not as good as you thought I was. You know?”

 

-HPSS-

 

Severus could not understand how Harry was still not understanding this. “Harry, I am in love with you, and you have just said that you love me, as well. I assure you, I will not suddenly start pining for Draco. He and I are not nearly as well suited as you seem to think we are.” 

“But he’s so much more sophisticated than I am,” said Harry. “He knows all about fancy restaurants and wizard comedians and the wizarding world in general, and—” 

“And I do not care for fancy restaurants or comedians whose sole joke is that Muggles are inferior to wizards,” said Severus, cutting him off. “I would much rather spend my time here, with you, looking at the fire. Or visiting your friends. Or watching you fly. Or whatever else it is that you would like to do.” 

Harry bit his lip, and his expression was so full of love and fear at the same time that Severus could not help but lean forward and kiss him again, trying to chase away the fear. 

“I just still feel like I’m not good enough for you.”

“There is no one on this planet you are not good enough for,” said Severus. “If anything, I am the one who will never be good enough for you. I am twice your age. I have no good looks and a horrible personality. I have committed more atrocities against my fellow humans than you could ever imagine. You deserve to be with someone young and handsome and kind, like yourself.” 

“You’re the only one I’ve ever loved,” said Harry. He cupped Severus’s face in his hands and continued. “You might be twice my age, but that’s not really so much for wizards. And I think you’re handsome, and so much kinder and braver than you give yourself credit for. You have done horrible things, yes, but you also risked your life time and time again to make up for it. You’re smart and funny. You’re everything I could have ever hoped for.” 

Severus kissed Harry again, and they kept kissing for a long time. Severus’s body responded more than he would have liked it to, but he ignored his lower half, knowing there was no way Harry would be ready for that any time soon. He knew the young man had been abandoned in the past for not having sex when his partners wanted, and there was no way Severus was going to put any pressure on him. 

Harry eventually pulled back and asked, “You’re really going to leave Malfoy?”

“I will write to him this instant if you would like,” said Severus. “Though I would feel better if I could do it in person.”

“And what would you tell him?” 

“That I am in love with someone else.” 

“And you would do that just so you can be with me?” 

How did Harry still not understand? “There is little point in being with someone else when the man I love returns my feelings.” 

"But Severus, I'm not…" Harry paused, looking like he was trying very hard to figure out how to say what it was that he wanted to say. "I've never… and I've only ever heard that Draco..."

Severus could not understand the source of Harry’s nervousness at first, but then it clicked. “Is this about sex?”

Harry flushed and looked down as he nodded.

"I am in no hurry to start a sexual relationship," said Severus. "We can wait as long as you would like."

"No, that's not it," said Harry, though the relief was still evident on his face. "I've loved you for years, and you love me back. I'd have sex now."

"What's the problem, then?" asked Severus, not understanding. If he was not worried that Severus would leave him, what could he possibly fear?

"I've never had sex before," said Harry. 

"I had assumed as much," said Severus. “I see no reason why that would be a problem.”

"I’ve just heard things about Malfoy, okay?" said Harry miserably. "How he’s so great he could turn any man gay. I don't even know how to seduce someone who's already gay. I can't compete with that." 

Severus kissed Harry again, just a gentle brush of his lips this time. "Sex is not a competition, though even if it were, you would win. I love you, and you love me. That is more important than anything else.”

"But what if I'm horrible?" asked Harry.

"I cannot imagine that could possibly be the case, especially if those kisses are anything to go by,” said Severus. 

Harry blushed and smiled shyly. “Want to go find out for sure?” 

“Harry Potter, are you propositioning me?”

Harry laughed. “I suppose if you want to put it that way, sure.”

Severus kissed him. “Only if you are certain. I meant what I said before; I will wait as long as you want.”

“About ten seconds, then. Okay. Good to know.” Harry grinned at Severus before kissing him again, more passionately this time, which Severus would not have thought possible. 

And how could he possibly say no to that? 

 

-HPSS-

 

In hindsight, Harry didn’t know what he had been worried about. Being with Severus was the most natural, pleasurable experience he had ever had. Severus took his time learning Harry’s body and making him feel things he hadn’t even known were possible. While Harry knew he still had a lot to learn about Severus’s body, it was clear that Severus very much enjoyed their lovemaking. 

Afterward, Harry lay in Severus’s arms, a happy smile on his face. He couldn’t believe how fast things had changed. How was it that when he came up here, he was sure Severus was in love with Malfoy and was about to tell Harry to leave and never come back, and now he was naked and snuggled close to the man he loved, the man who loved him back and was slowly carding his fingers through Harry’s hair?

"I can't believe this is happening," he said. "I keep waiting for this to be some terrible joke or a dream or something."

"I assure you it is not a joke, though I also fear this might prove to be nothing but a dream," said Severus.

Harry smiled and kissed Severus. Then he pinched himself and let out a small yelp of pain. 

“What on earth was that for?” asked Severus. 

Harry laughed. “Just checking. Definitely not a dream.”

Severus sighed, but Harry could see the smile in his eyes, the smile which soon found its way to his lips, as well. “Idiot.”

Harry smiled at that. He had spent years thinking he wasn’t smart enough for Severus, and yet now he wasn’t bothered by the insult at all, as he could hear the affection behind it. 

"I love you" said Harry.

"I love you too," said Severus.

 

-HPSS-

 

The next morning, Severus left to tell Draco to his face that he could no longer be with him. Severus had never been on this side of a break up before, and it was more painful than he thought it would be, even knowing that Harry was waiting for him at home. 

“It’s Potter, isn’t it?” asked Draco when Severus said he was in love with someone else. When Severus stared at him in surprise, Draco sneered. “It wasn’t that hard to figure out. Why else would you let him work for you? It’s not like he has any talent at all. I should’ve known.”

Severus wanted to tell Draco not to insult Harry, but then he saw the pain in Draco’s eyes and kept his mouth shut. He might not love the blond, and they might have very different ideas about what constituted a good partner, but he still felt bad having hurt the young man. He let Draco rant, apologized, and then returned to his flat, where Harry was waiting for him with a large cup of coffee and a homemade breakfast. 

“Are you okay?” asked Harry nervously. It took a moment for Severus to realize Harry feared he might have changed his mind.

“I regret having to hurt him, but it had to be done. You are the one I love, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I only wish we had figured out the truth before I accepted Draco’s offer the first time.”

Harry gave him a small smile and then pulled him in for a hug. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“I was not blaming you,” said Severus. “I kept my feelings to myself, as well.”

“I know,” said Harry. “I still wish I had said something sooner, though. But at least we figured it out eventually.”

“Indeed.” 

“Are you hungry?” asked Harry, gesturing to the food on the kitchen table. “I didn’t know what else to do while I waited for you to get back.”

Severus smiled. “It looks delicious, Harry.” 

Harry beamed at him, and the two of them sat down at the table and had their first of many breakfasts together, discussing the day ahead and reading the paper, a tradition they would uphold for the next one hundred years. 

  



End file.
